A checked gingham pony, giant twerking chicken and what can only be described as a deranged Winnie The Pooh all grown up (and definitely on something) - just a few of the WTF-worthy scenes irrevocably etched on my brain forever and for that Miley Cyrus I SALUTE YOU️
Tuesday night kicked off the European leg of the increasingly controversial BANGERZ tour and boy was it banging. (Like literally, there was banging. Big pink stage bed and everything).
The queen of 'twerk' slid cowboy-boots-first down a super sized replica of her own tongue and greeted her 'Smilers' in true 'We can't stop' style with a big old affectionate expletive and display of tonsils. Crotch grabbing, car humping, a leotard made entirely of dollar bills and a twerking dwarf with impressive back-off; the thrills kept on coming. And just as you thought it couldn't get any weirder Miley motor-boated the girls. Not her own (don't be silly), but an Amazonian dancer's magnificent pair of double F's. Now, I challenge you to tell me you don't wish you were there just a little?!
Alas, my sentiments weren't commonplace amongst those audience members of the Daily Mail persuasion; Annabelle Cole's boringly predictable article went as far as to suggest Miley's use of giant teddy bears and psychedelic kittens alongside her booty shaking shenanigans was a bid to 'suck in' and then 'sexualise our children'. This nonsense is coming from a supposedly intelligent(albeit retrogressive)woman. Is she seriously suggesting Miss Cyrus is on a one woman mission to corrupt the world's children? I'm like, Annabelle, honey, isn't it possible she just likes giant cuddly teddy bears? She's only human and we love teddies um HELLO have you seen the queue outside Hamley's at Christmas time?
The lovely Annabelle went on to include 'kissing someone of the same sex' in a long derogatory list of things she felt Miley wrongly encouraged. Outdated even by Daily Mail standards, I'm not sure if her comments left me seething or amused by the fact she'd just punctured her own credibility.
Anyway, I digress. The point is, this was a Miley Cyrus concert for crying out loud. MILEY FREAKING CYRUS. The girl hangs naked on a wrecking ball and licks stuff. And not just hammers - panties, bras, a lot of shit gets attention from that infamous tongue (as demonstrated Tuesday night). She sings about getting high and wet, in that order. What kind of self righteous, stale individual buys a ticket for this concert and then has the audacity to complain of being offended?
The tour is called BANGERZ with a 'Z'. Everyone knows that when someone uses Z instead of S they're pretty damn bad-ass... So to Annabelle and all the mothers complaining of their little darlings being scarred for life: I wouldn't pay to see my nightmare come alive in front of me Harry Potter style. In the same way, if you don't like her, don't go see her. It's pretty simple.
In spite of the bunch of moaners though, most of us hugely enjoyed the thoroughly barmy, unhinged and entirely nuts performance. And yes Miley said the C-word and the F-word and wore a gold necklace with a marijuana plant pendant but we took this in the spirit of light heated entertainment BECAUSE WE'RE NORMAL. And we're not scared of bums and breasts and crotches since newsflash girls we've all got 'em.
If I hear another audience member's appalled analysis of twerking then I truly fear for the brain power of humanity; Miley twerking on stage was about as the predictable as rain on bank holidays. Yes, she is an absolute fruit loop. She didn't remove her hand from her moo the entire show long (and I'd love to introduce her to the squat rack at some point) but damn that girl can sing, perform and captivate an audience like no other and I for one completely LOVE HER.
Thank you Miley for putting on hands down the best show I have ever seen. If I had a pound for every person condemning my viewpoint I'd collect up all those pounds and go straight to the ticket office so I could watch you all over again.
SMILER FOR LIFE ;)
Leila xoxo
(here's some photos)
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